Which Fuel Are You Running On?

There is a question I have been sitting with lately.

Not a comfortable one. Not the kind you answer quickly and move on from.

It is this: Are you doing what you are doing because of something? Or in spite of someone?

Both are real. Both are powerful. And most of us, if we are being honest, have spent significant portions of our lives running on the second one without ever realizing it.

I am going to do this in spite of what she said.

I am going to prove them wrong.

I am going to show up so well that they will never doubt me again.

That is 'in spite of.' And here is the thing about 'in spite of.' It works. It absolutely works. It gets you off the couch, out of the house, and into motion. It has launched careers, ended bad relationships, and driven women to accomplish extraordinary things.

But it is exhausting. Because the motivation does not belong to you. It belongs to whoever you are proving wrong.

'Because of' is different. It is yours. It is internal. It does not require an audience, and it does not collapse when the person you were trying to prove something to stops paying attention.

Here is an example.

For years, I stayed in motion because someone told me I would never amount to much. I built an entire career on proving that wrong. I worked harder than anyone around me. I said yes to every opportunity. I collected credentials and certifications like a woman building a wall, brick by brick, against the voice in my head that said I was not enough.

And it worked. For a while.

Until one day I realized I had no idea what I actually wanted. I only knew what I did not want people to think about me.

That was the moment I started asking the question differently. Not 'What do I need to prove?' But 'What do I actually care about?'

The shift from 'in spite of' to 'because of' is not about stopping. It is about redirecting. It is about learning to notice which engine you are running on and deciding, quietly, whether that fuel still serves you.

So here is the question I am asking you this week.

What are you doing right now, in this season of your life, and why are you really doing it?

Are you moving toward something that matters to you? Or are you moving away from someone who hurt you?

Both are valid. Both are honest. But only one is sustainable.

Next week, I will tell you about the conversion. How to shift from borrowed fuel to your own. But for now, just notice. That is the first step.

Inward. Onward. Go.